"I can't believe how much I've learned.... I can't believe how much I have to learn!"
This thought has flashed through my head more times than I can count. Every time another "light bulb" turns on, in the new universe I find myself in, parenthood. I never imagined how every other week seems to bring some new discovery, another "aha!" moment. As I try to figure out what Riley needs. It's been a crazy ride! Which brings me to my musings for the morning (riley's now napping)...
I consider myself an "attached parent"... I love the philosophy of sticking to our God-given instincts. Letting the baby go at their own pace, in what they're ready for. Whether it's letting them decide when they're ready to sleep throught the night, wean, or potty train (more on this in a moment). Wearing your baby near you as often as possible, letting them know you're there. Building up trust in them to let them know their needs will always be met. I love how back-to-the-basics it is...Parenting how Mothers parented waaaay before books exisited...Letting baby be a baby!
I think what this means for me is connecting with my baby. Learning her cues. Understanding that when she's crying it's not just becuase she likes to make noise, or to be annoying. But because she is trying to tell me some thing. It's my job as her mommy to figure out what she's trying to say.
I believe it also helps me see her babyhood in a positive light. APing is choosing to view every thing with the aim that babies aren't out to manipulate or make life inconvienant. You can't spoil little babies, giving them love and security as often as possible, only makes them more comfindent. They're babies! We as parent signed up for the job, and we have to take what comes with it. Life changes after a baby and there is no way around that. There are definite gentle things you can do to make the adjustment easier, and to keep a balance for every one...But the bottom line is that when they are so young every "want" should be viewed as a need.
Now I'm not talking in terms of safety. Just because Riley wants to crawl up the steps doesn't mean she needs to. She actually SHOULDN'T. And if she freaks out and throws a tantrum because she can't go up the stairs, that shouldn't be punished at least not before 18mos! Before then it's distraction, distraction, distraction...Most things (according Dr. Dobson which is where I got the 18mos thing) like that happen because a)the child is frustrated with the fact that they can't tell you what they want b) because they are curious...Pretty much every thing a little one does before 18mos is driven by curiousity! Not to be "naughty" but to learn about their growing world (if you don't want it broken get it out of reach!).
Is this making sense? APing chooses to look at where the child is at developmentally and tries to meet the chld where they're at.
Another example, just because Riley nursed 15 minutes ago and couldn't "possably be hungry so soon" doesn't mean that that want should be denied...In fact that desire to nurse is most likey a need to be close to Mommy. Breastfeeding is about so much more than food and nutrition. I know there are concerns about "food=comfort" and obesity later in life. But that has been disproven time and time again...Just look in the bible, I know of at least 3 mentions (and I'm sure there are more) of children being comforted at their mothers breast.
I know every one has their own parenting style, every one has different living situations...But I firmly feel that whenever possible the childrens needs and desires should be put first as often as possible especiallyin the first 2 years of life. Once a toddler is old enough to communicate a more give and take/take and give situations can be worked out.
Oh I was going to make more of a mention of potty training and sleeping through the night, and weaning. I really believe (and all that I am stating here is my personal opinions, if you don't agree that's fine) that those major milestones should give to the child to decide when they're ready. I'm not saying parents shouldn't introduce the ideas and encourage them, even make some changes to make it more likely to happen. Example with sleeping through the night, making sure baby is getting enough calories during the day to cut back on night waking, doing a bedtime routine every night etc.
APing is about following your child's cues, about doing what works for your family... You don't have to wear your baby to practice AP...You don't have to co-sleep/share a room to be an attached parent...You just have to look at parenting in the eyes of what your unique child needs. That's all. :0)
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